069:

I am a bad blogger at the moment. I have completed 4/13 exams. I am looking forward to finishing.

068: Untitled

It was in those moments, as I plunged my hand into the water that absorbed me like a sponge, warming my skin but chilling my bones, that I finally understood what you meant when you said you no longer wanted to exist. It wasn’t about wanting to end a life, not yours, nor anyone else’s. Rather, it was about a feeling of utmost tiredness, regret and a deep, long lasting sadness that had cumulated to form a sick love for darkness, as it held you closer than anyone ever had. The turmoil had destroyed any sense of self worth, any longing to continue, but it wasn’t about death. It was in those moments, as I reached out for a hand that was never really there, a hand that warmed my skin but chilled my bones, that I understood the desire to seep into a drain, or to close my eyes for eternity. It wasn’t about death, yet the morosely vivid images of your absence haunted my mind.