071: CURRENTLY

I am so ready to admit that I am the worst blogger ever right now, so this is going to be a pretty lengthy post about everything exciting in my life right now.

Two weeks ago, I went to Meredith Music Festival 2011, and it was the best weekend I've had in such a long time. I discovered some rad new music, got hugged by one of the Cut Copy dudes, and by Nick Cave, which completed my life. I was infinitely happy. Not to mention I got to spend three nights in a row cuddling, hanging out with rad people, and surrounded by the most incredible atmosphere I think I've ever been in. I also discovered these two rad dudes, Oscar + Martin, who I highly recommend you check out. They are what happens when you combine analogue keyboards, ethereal harmonies, , funky percussion/drum patterns, synthesisers and the desire to dance. I will leave you with my personal favourites. 

I also booked my tickets to South America, which I think I posted about - and will so in further detail when I actually know what is going on, oops. I GOT A NEW JOB AT THE RESTAURANT AT THE ZOO, in the meerkat bistro - which I am ridiculously excited to start just because I think after every shift I will go and love all the animals forever and ever. Oliver is away at the moment which SUX and I am just so preoccupied with earning money + spending money - it's probably the worst combination ughhhhh.

P.s. HI 

070: Currently

Firstly, I would just like to apologise for being the worst blogger ever. I have finally finished all of my exams (NOV 17.) & I have been living the most incredible life since. I booked tickets to South America, I leave the morning after my eighteenth birthday, to travel around + volunteer in an orphanage in Peru, walk the sacred valley, Machu Picchu etc. I have pretty much just been out constantly since I finished exams, here, there, wherever. But I promise to be better, to be more inspired, to be more attentive to this documentation.

P.s. I went to Meredith on the weekend and it was a ridiculous amount of fun. More on that later.

069:

I am a bad blogger at the moment. I have completed 4/13 exams. I am looking forward to finishing.

068: Untitled

It was in those moments, as I plunged my hand into the water that absorbed me like a sponge, warming my skin but chilling my bones, that I finally understood what you meant when you said you no longer wanted to exist. It wasn’t about wanting to end a life, not yours, nor anyone else’s. Rather, it was about a feeling of utmost tiredness, regret and a deep, long lasting sadness that had cumulated to form a sick love for darkness, as it held you closer than anyone ever had. The turmoil had destroyed any sense of self worth, any longing to continue, but it wasn’t about death. It was in those moments, as I reached out for a hand that was never really there, a hand that warmed my skin but chilled my bones, that I understood the desire to seep into a drain, or to close my eyes for eternity. It wasn’t about death, yet the morosely vivid images of your absence haunted my mind.

067: I can make you satisfied in everything you do. All your secret wishes could right now be coming true. Be forever with my poison arms, around you.

066: I feel a little too much like this right now.

065: Silvio Green

064: Reflection

This is my candidate statement for IB Visual Arts. I feel it might  be something worth looking back on in sixty-three years.

"Throughout my journey in the past two years, art has become a passion and a means of expression. Having struggled with dark complexities of human emotion prior to the beginning of my IB journey, as an artist I was extremely apprehensive in creating artwork that expressed my personality or personal life – I was fearful of exposing myself to censure and criticism. Once I dared to take risks, the result was invigorating, so I continued to force myself to be brave and eradicate my fear of the unfamiliar.

I have explored the depths of human emotion, often focusing on the vulnerability of women within cultures and society. My self-portraits attempt to capture the essence of this, focusing on my own emotional struggle, feelings of captivity, vulnerability and the seeming incapability of escape from darkness. To develop my sense of composition, I concentrated on using light and dark to manipulate tone and balance my work. 

My work has been greatly inspired by Annie Leibovitz (US 1949), and her ability to capture a great magnitude of emotion through her portraits. Artistically, my aim has been to create and manipulate photographs which immediately instil emotional sensations in a viewer. My main medium has been film and digital photography, focusing on digital manipulation, capturing precise instances and manipulating it to represent what I feel within that moment. I have explored the role of music in emotion, photographing and manipulating portraits of musicians, and using music to influence my viewer’s emotions in my ‘Cycle of  Captivity’ stop motion piece.

Leif Podhajsky’s, (Australia b. Unspecified), themes of connecting with nature have inspired me to further my investigation of human emotion and its place in nature, leading me to create abstract portraits and landscapes, exploring concepts of symmetry, repetition and the connection between nature and the human body.

P.s. I graduate on Friday. One exam down, twelve to go.

063: I couldn't disguise my excitement when I heard Bon Iver, James Blake and 'Collaboration' in the same sentence.

James Blake and Justin Vernon, Bon Iver, have come together to form a haunting collaboration. Falls Creek Boys Choir incorporates both of these artist's unique styles at a midpoint that forms a melancholic mess, demonstrating James Blake's balance between silence and sound, and Vernon's harmonious falsettos. The pair use auto-tuned vocals, not to mask off-key inaccuracies, but rather as an instrument in itself - a medium for self-expression and magnificent creativity. Elements of both Bon Iver's and James Blake's self-titled albums are apparent throughout the song, Vernon's exquisite, ethereal vocals and the unpredictability and sporadicity,  of Blake's irregular electronic intervals.
I am mesmerised.

062: I have now completed my first exam.

This is such a surreal feeling. Art has been a whirlwind of creativity, emotion, inspiration over the course of the past two years - and I mean that 100%. And now it's over, and I feel flat.

I had my first IB exam yesterday, for Visual Arts, a 45 minute interview in which I was able to share the meaning, technique, artistic influences, cultural influences, etc, behind my artwork. It was such an incredible experience, and I'm surprised to say that I genuinely enjoyed the experience. I can't be certain how I went - but my examiner did tell me that he was 'moved' by my work- which is all I could have hoped for. I feel happy with the way it played out.

I quite literally walked out of my examination and didn't even notice - I didn't feel anything, until my IB co-ordinator asked me how it went, and I had the most absurd feeling - that resignated with me for the remainder of my day. The examination was a confronting experience - to speak about something that has been so internal, something that is a part of me that I am only beginning to share with the world, but it was such an empowering feeling. I am so happy and simultaneously, I am so sad.

One exam down, twelve to go. Not too long now. I'm excited.

061: Ugh

Feeling so much like this right now.

060: Currently

Today I finished setting up my graduating show, and I am ridiculously happy with the way it's turned out. It's all very ethereal and what not, but I don't know want to give too much away. Art exam is on Saturday, I will post some images of the display after that!

059: Cycle of Captivity

058: I woke up and you were crying. I woke up and you were saying good love, passed it last night in a dream.

(via Natasha Kahn)

Sometimes I can sit for hours, without moving. And the fact that I can just sit there, zoned out from everything surrounding me, is something that really bothers me. I can be so wrapped up in my own head - I have enough sadness in my mind - enough thoughts, to keep me occupied for hours and hours. That’s something that really bothers me, I think I've become absorbed with the notion of existence.

057: Polaroids

Firstly, sorry about the terrible quality of these scans. Anyone who knows me knows about my love for cameras and film of any sort - I've had a polaroid sitting in my cupboard for who knows how long - so when I discovered The Impossible Project, you can only imagine my joy. These were taken a while ago now, but here are 8 of my polaroid photographs, featuring Alia and Sam. These particular 8 are going to be hung in my exhibition.

056:

“I don’t know what they are called, the spaces between seconds – but I think of you always in those intervals." - Salvador Plascencia 

055:

stringing words together in vain hope that one day you will fly high enough to encounter what I sent to the stars, many years ago. perhaps the strength you once found in the ocean will come to you in the sky - when every lost moment fits together. like the puzzle we encountered, and spent our time together trying to find the last piece. maybe you’ll discover the truth about why we never found it, why it never came to us. I can only hope that you’re still looking. and if you d like to find me, there, in the skies, then I will come to you. so that we can endeavour to discover the years we ignored, and forget the moments we were searching for - we’ll know what was missing. maybe we’ll know where we went wrong.

054: I need to hear you tell me you don't want my love. Put your hand on your heart and tell me it's all over.

This song makes me want to cry and hibernate for a thousand years. José González's music always has such a profound effect on me. His introverted, yet absolutely captivating melodies, combined with deep vocals (on a figurative and literal level) never fail to draw me into something reminscent of a paroxysm - I can honestly say that no other artist evokes such an intense emotional reaction from me.


Edit: I just found out this is originally a Kylie Minogue song.... MINDBLOWN

053:

"Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic." - Oscar Wilde

052: Podhajsky

So much talk about my graduating exhibition but nothing much to show in the blogosphere. Leif was one of my main inspirations throughout the course of the past two years, (moreso this year) as I began to distance myself from mainstream photography and enter the field of digital manip. You may know him for his more familiar work with records; Tame Impala, The Vines. I am now obsessed with symmetry and repetition and Leif's work is incredible. Delving deep into the obscurities of our connectiveness and psychedelia, Podhajsky creates a surreal balance between perfection and ambiguity. If you don't know him, and are into art/design etc. I strongly suggest you click here.

I think my favourite of his work would be the COAGULATED PHYSIQUE series, some works featured below.

051: Currently

   I've been feeling pretty down lately, but as usual using music to lift my spirits.

And everything is a-okay because I have a Paul Simon record playing, and I'm dancing to 'You Can Call Me Al'.

My art exam is in 10 days. I am scared.

050: Phonograph

I have been re-designing/creating/making my room over the course of the past seven months. I decided I'd be happy with it once I actually had a decent sound system in my bedroom accompanied by the phonograph turntable that's been lost in the realms of my house, so that I actually get to listen to the records that I buy. AND I FINALLY GOT ONE! Feeling pretty excited about that, possibly my only source of happiness right now. Chilling in my room a lot more frequently. Will post photographs of my bedroom at some point in my life. I want to remember it at this moment in the years to come.

049: Period of Stagnation

   Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep, I don't want to wake up on my own anymore.

048: Burning every bridge that I cross

The only thing I feel right now.  Painting myself with hopelessness.

045: Camouflage

044: Robert Rich

So chilled out by Robert Rich. Always so chilled.

043: Future

I just finished selecting my university preferences. I have no idea if I'm making the right decisions with any of them, though I suppose one can only hope with such things. My art exam is in about two weeks, followed by another 12. Too much pressure.

042: Cycling Trivialities

Who cares in a hundred years from now? All the small steps, all your shitty clouds.






I am tired of being tired. All of my artwork is due in two days. Over eighteen final pieces, two years of work, filed into three small booklets. I am feeling melancholy.

041: Self

040:

039: Currently.

Planning my trip to South America. Heppy, heppy, heppy.

038:

we'll create a world without the darkness that consumed my mind. there will only be light, reflecting on the ocean. fires blazing, warming our universe, the world that is our home. i'll see light from your eyes, light from the sun that I could swear shines for our growth. the sadness will be gone, and life will be strong.

037:

the storm is coming now, it’s breaking souls apart. it’s tearing at the seams of your lost and wandering heart. it’s bringing you to silence, it’s brought you here too soon. the darkness of your eyes, is reflected in the moon. i didn’t want to let go, i didn’t want to leave. i wanted you to be strong. i needed you to stay.

036: Untitled

035: Currently

I think the hardest part of growing up for me, was the realisation that came with it. I wanted to fix the world, and I wanted to fix everybody in it. And I hated the moment that I realised I couldn’t. I hated everything about that day. That was the moment I realised my own fragility, because something deep within me broke. That something, has never been restored, it never will be. I’ve never forgotten that. I’ve never recovered from that. I’ve just become accustomed to it.

034: Poncho, sombrero combo! Imagine that! We were off our tits on happiness!

033: I don't find success interesting as art

If you've never heard this song before, it's time to appreciate it. Jim Ward has a beautiful voice and Tegan is incredibly interesting. Such a mesmerising and raw pair. Ah, I can never get sick of this song.

032: INFINITE AWESOMENESS

First of all, let me reiterate how amazingly inspiring I find Gotye anyway, but when I find something like this, taken by the incredibly talented Cybele Malinowski I just couldn't resist blogging about it. It really reminds me of a lot of the work that I've been doing for my end of year exhibition - I wish I had have seen it earlier! Ahhhhh. Ahhhhhhhmaazzzzingggggggg!

031: Run away

030:

Motion stopped. Emotion stopped. And I was lost, I was lost. Stumbling the depths of a terrible sea, I never expected you to wait for me.

029: The New Pornographers

APPRECIATE DIS.

028: Perfect moment.

027: Back to eccentricity

026: Playing on my mind.

Yesterday, I headed up to Anglesea  to visit a family friend's, and to catch up with ma boyf. Anyway, I was walking with Jos through a nice nature path to meet Oliver, when we heard a groaning noise. And then, a little further ahead, to the right, there was an old man laying on the ground covered in dirt who had fallen over and couldn't get back up. It turned out that the poor man's wife had died 6 weeks ago, and he'd just moved into a nursing home and he'd decided to go for a walk. Attempting to turn back around to head back there, he'd toppled over and as a result, had be been terribly sick, covered in dirt and absolutely frightened, thinking he'd be stuck there all night. We helped him up and after he'd stopped trembling, we walked him home. I can't stop thinking about him though, I hope he's feeling alright now.

025: Here and now.

I went to Melbourne Uni today, which is the last of the university open days that I'll visit, I think. I'm really excited about the future. Three months ago I was 100% certain on being a journalist, but I think I've completely changed my mind. My dream career was to be an international photo journalist, but I think I'd like to work in international relations in policy development now. What up crazy ass future. Anyway, for now, I better finish World Literature One and World Literature Two or I might end up with a future consisting of food scraps from bins and no year 12 pass (not exaggerating at all), so I have left you in the loving hands of The Strokes.

024: Hey guize

I'm procrastinating, as usual. Here's my new Rolling Stones ring. I'm pretty rad. Sorry for the evident sleep deprivation. I'm s-t-ruggling with life.

023: Jay Linton

022: Hello Alia.

All of my finals must be finished within the next couple of weeks, so I've been working really hard for art and neglecting many of my other subjects. Art extended essay is due in tomorrow, and here is a taste of what might be in my exhibition. I'm all over the place, hello disjointed blogging.

Edit:
I made Alia look deformed, but I can't help feeling this looks like the cover for some rad album. Just sayin'.
Maybe I should be an album artist.

021: I'm a terrible blogger, but IB has taken over my life.

I've been feeling an awful lot like this lately.

020: Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know Ft. Kimbra

019: Self Portrait.

These are just tiny taste testers of what is to come... I shot these last night on my Canon EOS 500D before I went to sleep, because I had a creative yearning and have been meaning to take some more self portraits for a while now - I just haven't had the time. There are many more that I don't want to reveal via the internet right now, but keep an eye out for them in the coming future. These are the raw images, I haven't began editing/digitally manipulating yet.

018: I bet when I leave my body for the sky the wait will be worth it.

I saw these guys at Laneway earlier this year and I was lucky enough to be in the front row. They kept saying how blown away they were that they had fans in Australia in their front row, who were able to sing every word to every song. This is definitely one of my favourites from them - such a beautiful melody and so hauntingly harmonious. The lyrics are so raw, they're incredible musicians and even better live than on record.

017: Candice.

016: You're the only thing I ever want anymore.

015: Kennett.

Kennett River, January 2011.

014: Like stars burning holes right through the dark, flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes. You were one inch from the edge of this bed, I dragged you back a sleepyhead.

Repeat. I will always love this song.

013: The longest memory.

One of my favourite pastimes. In all seriousness. I did this one a while ago when I was going through a hard time, and couldn't find the words to communicate what I was feeling.

012: Monogrenade - Ce Soir

011: Time doesn't stand still, but this time I will.

The world is changing, while hearts are racing and raindrops fall while flames are blazing - so you all pass me by. Every thought of mine that’s engraved tears the pages that show the best deception that eyes will ever see. My words dance willingly, slowly falling to the floor along with every other whispered dream, along with every other raindrop from my eyes. But every word I write is prey to a distorted and overbearing soul - and now another scandal is on the loose. My body is suppressed by a malicious intention, I’m closed off from the world, hidden behind a facade for my fears. And the illicit heart - if you could call it that - which you carry, bears not a single trouble, not even the slightest puncture, while the images stay burning my mind and scarring my perceptions. My exposed existence fades into the night’s sky and your smile shines brighter than every other star because you know that you’ve won, you know there’s not another fraction to destroy. The whispers are loud now, the voices clear.

010: Les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/underscore_ian/5937953868/

009: You are the life I needed all along.

We'll have a cool garden and kitchen. And big windows. And a massive bed, that's incredibly comfortable. And we'll have a record player. And a big shower and a rad lounge room. And a dark room so I can develop photos whenever I want. And a green house for you to grow interesting plants. And we'll have a puppy each. We'll have a big fish tank. And I'll have a wardrobe full of long skirts. And you would have a collection of cool suits. And brass teapots. And we'll have bookshelves full of great books. And candles and incense burning often.  And good food so the house smells tasty. And lots of fruit.

008: Macro

Spent the day at Oliver's house and took some cool snaps. I've been experimenting a lot with circle cropping as of late and I loved the effect of it on this particular image. I haven't yet done any editing other than the crop, but experimentation is certainly on the cards. 

007: Sufjan Stevens - Futile Devices.

This is my favourite track on Sufjan's newest album. I've been going through a bit of a Sufjan phase, [again] and this song is almost hauntingly melodic and the lyrics are divine. It's beautiful.

006: Kruger

Barbara Kruger, 1983

005: Laneway. Better times.

Laneway Melbourne 2011 

Temps meilleurs

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lanewayfest/5426695262/in/photostream/

004: Here and now

IB will be the death of me. Legitimately. 4000 Word Art Extended Essay on the desensitisation caused by the artwork surrounding Che Guevara, due in less than a week. IOC in three weeks. Less than 4 months until my 13 exams. Internal assessments left right and centre. And all I feel like doing is listening to music and taking photographs. Life.

003: Belle and Sebastian. Musical goodness.

002: Oliver.

I have been so happy as of late, I'm quite sure that's most of the inspiration for this blog - and my farewell to 'camouflaging my feelings'. Anyway, most of the happiness is because of a blossoming relationship. I'm kidding. About the blossoming bit that is. Not the happiness. Meet Oliver. He's pretty funky.

001: Welcome to blogspot.

Eli. Previously 'camouflageyourfeelings'. This is me, raw and real. Elements of my present - to become my past and essentially a digital lane for me to stroll down in the future. Art, style fixes and words. A creative outlet for my inner dreams.

Word.